Dearest Jarrod

Baby,

You're beautiful
beyond comprehension.

You're lovely
with no competition.

Outstanding,
Immaculate,
Amazing,
Profound,
Mysterious,
Hilarious,
Loving,
Caring,
Sensitive,
Intricate,
Ambitious,
Sweet,
Honest,
Sincere,
Out of this world,
Spectacular,

You're something else.
You're MY something else.

The list could go on,
But this would then turn into a dictionary.

You blow my mind to bits.
You fill me with happiness and rage at the same time.

You make me want to be so much more.

There's so much I want to say to you,
But so much I want to keep to myself at the same time.

You just...
You just fuck me up.
You fuck my head up,
Because you're all I can think about.
Because I'm afraid of losing you to someone better every second of the day.
Because I'm afraid I'll start boring you.
Because I can't stand the thought of not talking to you as soon as I get home.
Because when I'm out, 'having fun' nothing's ever actually fun because you're not here.
I need you.
So much.
So badly.
I'm just really overwhelmed.
Because I don't think I'm ready to feel this way.
But I'm going to suck it up,
And get over my problems.
Because I'm so deeply and madly in love with you baby.
It's heart wrenching.

This Bitter Taste

I sit here pondering,
with this distinct, yet oppressed feeling
of nausea settling in my gut.
I'm thinking, mostly hoping
that things will be alright.

Everything's been smooth sailing for a while,
but here comes that shot of bad luck.
Things can't always be okay,

And I've known that for a while now,
but I've somehow managed to forget it.
Rock bottom is such a horrible place to be.

It's such a bitter taste,
a solemn, heavy feeling.
It's nauseating, and depressing.

It's overwhelming and fills you with anxiety.
But I've been there, multiple times.
At the bottom of the well.

Waiting,

Eager,

Impatient,

Restless.

Waiting for someone to dip that pail right in,
Waiting to catch that ride back up.

It takes a while, but I wait.
I know that something great lies up there.

However,
I also know it's only a matter of time

Before I slip, or fuck up,
And get pushed back in.

Dec 4th 2008. Fuck my life.

Why can't you,
Love me the way
I love you,
see things the
way that I do,
treat me like more than just a tool,
I'm such a fool.

I'm standing
Thousands of feet from the ground,
And if I fall I won't make a sound
'cause I've got nothing to loose...
But I do...

I can't forget,
the time that we
first met
the time I carried you
And dropped you on your head
I'm such a fool..
But I love you..

I can't resist
your petite little figure
that I'll miss
those soft cherry lips
that I kissed
the feeling you gave my clenched fist..
when you held my hand.

I've got nothing to gain
but everything to lose
it's life or death
and I'm left to choose
but I can't stay 'cause I've got...
absolutely nothing to keep me alive
absolutely nothing to give me a drive...
Back to you.

November 29th, 2008

Katie's finally back,
I spent the night at her house with Shanah
while her nana slept in Jane's room.
It was a pretty alright night,
Nothing too amazing,
but also nothing too lame.
It was almost surreal for her to be there to be honest.
It all felt like a weird dream.

I'm sort of afraid of her getting out of my sight,
'cuz I have a feeling if I turn my back,
She'll be gone forever.
It's not that anything's necessarily hinting towards it,
but this year's been so dreadful,
I'm just afraid.

I'm afraid of so many things.
But I'm starting to not care anymore.
About the other things in life.
Jobs,
School,
Life at home,
Health,
Love.
I really don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everything's just becoming one mushed up ball of fucked up shit.

Downfalls of the day.

I had to go to the god damn mall earlier,
then rush home to get ready for work,
but I got locked out,
and couldn't get ready.
So I went anyways,
but got kicked out.
And my card got denied 'cuz heck! I've got no money!
Ain't my life just splendid?
Oh!
And I can't make it to a party tonight because I
"Spent the night outside."

Definition of Sleepover: Going over to someones house to SLEEP there. :/

Gosh. FUCK YOU.

November 27, 2oo8

I love you

Today was pretty amazing.
Not in the sense that it included a series of astounding events,
but in the sense that I got to spend time with a few people I love.
A small bunch of us (Alex, Kyle, ______, and Myself)
took a trip out to China Town.
It was the first time either ______ or Kyle had met Alex.
But I think they like her.
I surely know I do.

Before we even boarded the train to Yonge+Bloor,
I bumped into so many people I hadn't seen for a good long while.
Jayme, Brandon, Brandon Gayler, Jordan, Angela
and then I bumped into Sara and Dylan.
Everything was pretty unexpected.
Especially riding the train with a bacardi buzz.
haha.

I tried doing a pull up on the bars in the train,
but I smashed my head off the roof.
Nts: Don't try that again.

Uhmm.
I really didn't want Alex to leave.
I hugged her for a total of 8 minutes before I allowed her to leave, haha.
It'd been so long since I'd seen her. Almost a month.
And I miss her so much, all day, everyday.
It's stupid for me to,
because her heart belongs to someone else,
but I'll admit to this,
I love her.
And I did lose my chance, a while ago.
But that won't stop me from having feelings for her.
I don't think anything can.
I guess all I can do is be here.
'tis all.
c:

I haven't had fun like this in a while,
I think I'll make it a routine thing again,
I rather enjoy it.
Thanks again guys for comin' out.
<3


Anywhoserz.
This is just a memento for when I may forget.
THE END.
(of today.)

My thoughts are colourful...

Like Paint Splattered on a Blank Canvas

"I hate the way people act,
I hate they way the look at others.
I hate the way they treat others.
We're all equal.
No one is greater than another.
This is something people need to understand."

In a world full of hatred and misconceptions,
We yearn to find people to keep close.
But how are we to find those people, when they seem to be growing extinct?
Their numbers constantly dwindling as time passes by and society becomes even more corrupt.
It's hard. It is.
As people, we begin fading into the background.
No longer is one important to another.
The new best thing in life seems to be...
Drugs.

How is it that people can so easily,
so god damn easily,
let others out of their lives
for temporary happiness?
How is it that...
Narcotics have replaced the people we love the most?
Why is it that people look towards
being selfishly happy, than sharing their happiness?
It's a fucked up thing.
It truly in all honesty is.

There are in fact other things,
Things other than drugs that fucks people up.
But it's the main stream thing now.
Indulge in the narcotics that will take you to a place better than reality.
You're all living in a god damn fucked up dream.
Face reality.
Face facts.
Face the people that love you and that you once loved.
I will not stand to be one of you.
I will not stand to fade into the background
and be swallowed up by society and it's mindless influence.